Posted by: Jan | April 29, 2010

Good nights, bad nights, and something in between.

Last night wasn’t a good night,  it wasn’t a bad night, but something in between. 

Here’s how I define a good night:  I put the mask on, I go to sleep (“fix it and forget it”), I wake up feeling wonderful! 

Here’s how I define a bad night:  I put the mask on, it leaks.  I adjust for the leaks, it leaks worse, I fiddle, it keeps leaking.  I turn off the machine (beep) and take the mask off.  Count to 10 before I flush the damn thing down the toilet.  I don’t flush.  I try again (beep, now my husband is awake, too, and not happy–he gives me a “harrumpf” and tosses and turns to let me know).  Still leaking, but with tweaking, if I hold my head at just this awkward angle, the pillow smashed against my nose over hear, the blanket just so to keep the acrtic blast off my arm, and I breathe very carefully*, the damn thing stops leaking (except for that cold stream of air between my nostrils, down my upper lip, and–inexplicably–into my left ear).  I wake up after two hours, turn over, and start the damn leak tweak again.  Have I said “damn” three times now?  Damn–there’s four. I wake with a sore nose and a runny, puffy eye, at 5 a.m. (I used to think there was no such thing as 5 a.m.), turn off the machine and snore myself back to sleep for another hour.  I feel like shit when my alarm goes off (my blog, I can swear if I want to!). 

Last night, a little, tiny leak.  Enough to be a little, tiny bit annoying, but not to keep me awake, and though I thought about it, I didn’t have to take the damn thing off and start over.  It was a bit twitchy all night (meaning I had to adjust it every time I moved, fortunately not often), and I felt great when I woke.  But it wasn’t a “fix it and forget it” type of night.  Happily, I’m having more and more of those good nights, a few of those neither good nor bad nights, and the bad nights are getting fewer and farther between. 

It ain’t perfect, but it’s OK. 

*This reminds me of a joke.  A man goes to a tailor who has made him a new suit.  but the left sleeve is too long.  So the tailor tucks up the left sleeve and has the man hold it against his body so that it is the right length.  The man complains the left sleeve is too short.  So the tailor tugs the sleeve down and has the man hold it against his body so the sleeve length looks good.  Now the man complains that the left pant leg is uneven and too long.  So the tailor tugs it up and has the man hold his legs together really tightly so that the leg length is proper.  Finally satisfied, and holding that awkward position,  the man pays and leaves the tailor’s store.  On his way out he passes a husband and wife coming in.  “Oh my,” says the wife, “that poor, crippled man”. “Yeah,” replies the husband.  “But did you see how well his suit fits?”. 

Sometimes I feel like the man in the suit with the awkward positions I get into trying to keep the mask from leaking.



  1. Love your blog. I always read your posts on with interest. Keep up the great work, janknitz. (I post under the user name “beckah” on cpaptalk)

  2. Thanks for the good feedback!

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